BK0005

August 1, 2009

CHAPTER FIVE

Communicating, Negotiating, and
Resolving Conflicts Across Cultures

From Cultural Intelligence: Living and Working Globally,

Second Edition, by David C. Thomas and Kerr Inkson

© 2009 by David C. Thomas and Kerr Inkson. All rights reserved.

Published by Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

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84

CO M M U N I C AT I O N FA I L U R E

Consider these four vignettes of cross-cultural living, all of them
authentic experiences involving Americans.1

■ An Australian woman, flying aboard Sky West Airlines from
Atlanta to Pittsburgh, asks a flight attendant if she can have
a pack of pretzels instead of crackers. When the attendant
says they don’t have any pretzels, she replies, ‘’Fair dinkum?’’
But before the Australian can say anything more, a second at-
tendant asks for her passport and copies down her name. Her
local colloquialism has sparked a security scare, her common
Australian phrase apparently being misinterpreted as an act of
aggression.

■ An American student shares a dormitory room with a Thai. They
get on well. Then, after they have lived together for several
weeks, the Thai abruptly announces that he has applied for a
transfer to another room. The American is surprised and upset
and asks the Thai why he wants to move. The Thai is reluctant
to speak but eventually says that he can’t stand the American’s
noisiness, loud stereo, late visitors, and untidiness. The American
is even more surprised: all this is new to him. “Couldn’t you have

CH A P T ER 5

Communicating,
Negotiating, and Resolving
Conflicts across Cultures

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 85

told me this sooner?” he says. “Maybe I could have done some-
thing about it.”

■ A newly qualified American community counselor is assigned as
a client a Malaysian man who suffers from low energy and poor
concentration. In their first interview, the Malaysian is very quiet
and withdrawn. The counselor is used to silences in counseling
sessions, as clients reflect and analyze, but this client does not
seem to want to communicate at all. So the counselor takes time
to try to persuade him of the nature of the counseling process.
At the end of the session, the client does not seek any further
counseling. The counselor is disappointed: he has learned al-
most nothing about his client. Has he done something wrong?

■ An American economist is on a study tour in China. He visits an
economic planning institute where a Chinese economist, who is
interested in the American’s economic forecasting techniques,
invites him to spend two months in China giving seminars. The
American is very interested in the offer, and says so, but he adds
that he has to check with the administration of his U.S. institute to
get their approval. Back in the United States, he is granted the
necessary clearance and sends a message to China indicating
that he is definitely available. But the Chinese never contact him
again.

These cases, to which we will return later, demonstrate com-
munication failures that led to the breakdown of relation-
ships, and all have cultural origins.

Communication — the interchange of messages between
people — is the fundamental building block of social experi-
ence. Whether selling, buying, negotiating, leading, or work-
ing with others, we communicate. And although the idea
of communicating a message seems simple and straightfor-
ward — “You just tell it straight. And you listen.” — when it
comes to figuring out what goes wrong in life, “communica-
tion failure” is by far the most common explanation.

Communication operates through codes — systems of signs
in which each sign signifies a particular idea. Communication

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86 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

also uses conventions — agreed-upon norms about how, when,
and in what context codes will be used. If two people do not
share the same codes and conventions, they will have diffi-
culty communicating with each other. And codes and conven-
tions are determined mainly by people’s cultures. The most
obvious example of unshared codes is different languages.

Each communication breakdown in our opening set of
vignettes can be explained in terms of cultural differences:

■ In the first case the expression “fair dinkum” is a com-
mon Australian phrase that is used to refer to some-
thing worthwhile or reliable. As a question, it can mean
“Really? Is that right?” and this is most likely the sense in
which the passenger used it. However this term was not
in the vocabulary of the American flight attendants. And
they drew a wrong conclusion. This is an example of dif-
ferent codes.

■ In the case of the student whose Thai friend moved out,
culture and custom interfered with communication. In
their upbringing, Americans are encouraged to be active,
assertive, and open, and to expect the same in others. In
their upbringing, Thais are encouraged to be passive and
sensitive, and they too expect the same in others. The
Thai expected the American to be sensitive to his feelings;
the American expected the Thai to say what his feelings
were. When neither behaved as expected, the relationship
broke down. This is an example of different conventions.

■ The counselor whose client wouldn’t talk failed to ap-
preciate the meaning of an important part of the com-
munication — the silences! Silences are not always absence
of communication; they are often part of communica-
tion. Asians tend to wait longer than Westerners before
speaking, especially to authority figures. To some extent
long silences are a sign of respect. The counselor might
have been more patient. Also, the Malaysian may not
have been assertive enough to seek another appointment

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 87

without being invited. So the whole situation was mis-
managed. This is an example of different codes AND
conventions.

■ The economist whose invitation to visit China was never
followed up failed to appreciate the meaning of his own
communication in Chinese culture. A Chinese saying
that he had to check with his office before accepting the
invitation might have been communicating two things:
first, that he was a relatively low-status person who had
to check everything with bureaucrats; second, that he
was not really interested in visiting. So in this case the
Chinese may have made these same assumptions about
the American and concluded he was not really interested
in visiting. Chinese people seldom say “no” even when
that is what they mean. Instead, they have numerous po-
lite ways — including the one in this story — of courteously
indicating it. This is another example of different codes
AND conventions.

How Cross-Cultural Communication Works

In communication, the communicator transmits messages to
others (“receivers”) who interpret them. The process is shown
in figure 5.1.

When the receiver in turn becomes the communicator, the
process is reversed. The channel may be spoken words, writ-
ten words, or nonverbal behavior such as gestures or facial
expressions. Face-to-face conversations, meetings, telephone
calls, documents, or e-mails may all be used. Successful com-
munication occurs when the message is accurately perceived
and understood. Skills of communicating and listening, selec-
tion of an appropriate channel, and the absence of “inter-
ference” from external factors are all important. Cultural
differences threaten communication because they reduce the
available codes and conventions that are shared by sender
and receiver.

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88 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

The cultural field shown in figure 5.1 represents culturally
based elements in the sender’s and in the receiver’s back-
ground, such as their language, education, and values.2 The
cultural field creates the codes and conventions that affect the
communication process.

Language

Language is the most obvious code for communicating. In lan-
guage, combinations of sounds represent elements of meaning
and can be combined to represent complex messages. Most
languages contain speech conventions, subtleties, and figures
of speech of which only experienced speakers may be aware.

The essence of language is that sender and receiver should
share the code. But the development and mobility of human-
kind has left us with thousands of different languages, plus
different dialects and adaptations of many of them.3 Most
people have only one language, which they have learned and
spoken since early childhood, and even accomplished linguists
are usually fluent in only a few. Moreover, psychologists have
determined that the best time to acquire new languages is
before the age of ten, after which we become progressively
less able to adapt.4

A complicating factor is that whatever the language, its

SENDER CHANNELENCODING DECODING RECEIVER

CULTURAL FIELDCULTURAL FIELD

FIGURE 5.1. Cross-cultural communication process
Source: Based on Schramm (1980)

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 89

everyday use normally goes beyond any simple single code
such as that in a dictionary. Languages are living entities that
grow and change to accommodate the widely different groups
who use them and the changes in the social circumstances in
which they are used. For example, among young speakers of
English, language is becoming more direct and dramatic, so
that

“She accused me of breaking the window. I said I hadn’t.”

has become:

“She’s like, ‘You trashed the window!’ I’m like, ‘No way it was
me!’”

In most cultures, different groups have their own vocabu-
laries, slang, accents, and idioms. Sometimes the differences
are so strong and systematic that we say they have a different
dialect. Technical or social groups may develop their own
jargon and may use the jargon to distance themselves from
outsiders. Another common linguistic convention is euphe-
mism, when words with sexual or other potentially impo-
lite connotations are replaced with less explicit words. For
example, in some English-speaking cultures it is common to
say that someone has “passed away” rather than “died.”

Finally, most of us would be surprised at the extent to
which we mindlessly use proverbs, maxims, and even slogans
or catchphrases heard on television as part of our day-to-day
conversation. Examples are the Anglo-American expressions
“it’s a no-brainer,” “yadda yadda yadda,” and “it’s not rocket
science.” Such expressions are in good English but may genu-
inely puzzle outsiders.

Finding Common Language Codes

While language is a wonderful tool for communication, it is
also fraught with difficulties. Two people seeking to com-
municate with each other who do not have any overlapping

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90 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

language codes face a major barrier. They can, of course,
employ translators. But translation is time-consuming and
expensive. It also complicates the communication process
and potentially distorts the message by requiring a further
transformation.

People who choose to learn and use a foreign language
find benefits beyond simply overcoming the language bar-
rier. Most people appreciate the efforts that others may have
made to learn their language. So even though your fluency
in another language may be limited, the fact that you have
made the effort may generate goodwill.5 In addition, language
conveys many subtleties about a culture that a person with
high cultural intelligence might notice and use.

However, learning a new language carries major costs.
Becoming fluent in another language takes substantial study
and practice, particularly if that language is unlike your own
in pronunciation, grammar, and conventions. Language learn-
ers expend considerable time and effort in learning, and find
that when using the language they feel stressed and may even
be distracted from other aspects of the situation. Also, lack
of fluency may unfairly undermine credibility in the eyes of
fluent speakers. In contrast, fluency may lead to the speaker
being perceived, sometimes mistakenly, as being competent in
other areas, such as overall cultural intelligence.6

Second-Language Use

One by-product of the Anglo-American economic dominance
of the twentieth century and the relentless unwillingness of
British and American people to learn languages other than
their own has been to make English increasingly the accepted
common language of business. Worldwide, the learning of
English to facilitate international communication has become
a major activity. This change facilitates international business
communication. Those who speak English as their only lan-
guage owe a debt to the millions of people around the world

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 91

who have gone out of their way to learn to understand, read,
speak, and write in the English language.

Learning English as a second language (ESL) is full of
challenges. The language’s richness of vocabulary and its
numerous synonyms can cause ESL speakers great difficulty.
Take the simple word “fly.” It can mean an annoying insect, a
means of travel, or an important part of men’s trousers.7

A person fluent in English who is communicating with a
less skilled English speaker has an obligation to communicate
in relatively standard terms, to avoid jargon and obscure lan-
guage, and to avoid assumptions about comprehension by the
other person. Culturally intelligent people will consciously
adapt their language to be in harmony with the vocabulary
and style of the other person.

Some ESL speakers — particularly those from cultures that
set high store by not losing face — pretend to understand when
they really do not. In these situations there is a special onus
on the parties to be aware of barriers and limitations in their
sending and receiving, and to check whether messages have
successfully gotten through.

The following are some brief guidelines that culturally
intelligent people can use to help improve communication
with ESL speakers.

Second-L anguage Strategies

■ Enunciate carefully.

■ Avoid colloquial expressions.

■ Repeat important points using different words to explain
the same concept.

■ Use active verbs and avoid long compound sentences.

■ Use visual restatements such as pictures, graphs, tables,
and slides.

■ Hand out written summaries of your verbal presentation.

■ Pause more frequently, and do not jump in to fill silences.

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92 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

■ Take frequent breaks, and allow more time.

■ Do not attribute poor grammar or mispronunciation to
lack of intelligence.

■ Check for understanding by encouraging speakers to
repeat concepts back to you.

■ Avoid embarrassing speakers, but encourage and rein-
force their participation.8

Conventions

Communication conventions cover the ways that language
and other codes are used within a particular culture. Once
again, cultural values and norms, such as those based on
collectivism or individualism, are apparent.

E x p l i c i t a n d I m p l i c i t C o m m u n i c a t i o n

There is a Western view that individuals perceive something
called the truth and should state it, and a convention that
communication should be verbal and that verbal messages
should be explicit, direct, and unambiguous. But in other
cultures — for example, many Middle Eastern and Asian cul-
tures — there is no absolute truth, and politeness and desire to
avoid embarrassment often take precedence. The convention
is therefore that communication is implicit and indirect. In
the direct convention of communication, most of the message
is placed in the content of the communication — the words
that are used. In the indirect convention, the context is more
important — for example, the physical setting, the previous
relationships between the participants, and the nonverbal
behavior of those involved.

The direct convention tends to be the norm in countries
with individualist cultures, the indirect in countries with
collectivist cultures. Understanding apparently indirect com-
munication in collectivist cultures may sometimes be simply
a matter of learning another code. The examples in the fol-

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 93

lowing box show a variety of ways of saying no politely and
indirectly. In most cases a low-CQ individual would under-
standably think that the answer might be “yes.”

S AY I N G “ N O ” I N R ES P O N S E TO

“ H A S MY P R O P O S A L B E E N AC C E P T E D ? ”9

Conditional “yes” If everything proceeds as planned, the
proposal will be approved.

Counter-question Have you submitted a copy of your
proposal to the ministry of . . . ?

Criticizing the question Your question is very difficult to answer.
Refusing the question We cannot answer this question at this

time.
Tangential reply Will you be staying longer than you had

originally planned?
Yes, but Yes, approval looks likely, but . . .
Delayed answer You should know shortly.

The problems associated with explicitness of communica-
tion are not limited to face-to-face communication. In fact,
the use of e-mail as the preferred mode of communication in
many firms can make these problems even more difficult. One
Dutch manager (direct convention) was so frustrated in trying
to understand the real message in e-mails from his Mexican
counterpart (indirect convention) that he finally jumped on
an airplane and flew from Amsterdam to Mexico City just to
get clarification.10

V e r b o s i t y a n d S i l e n c e

Cultures vary in their conventions about how much and how
loudly one should talk. Americans are notorious for talking a
lot and talking loudly. Silence can be used deliberately and stra-
tegically in communication. Japanese negotiators use silence
as a means of controlling negotiating processes, whereas Finns
use it as a way of encouraging a speaker to continue. As the

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94 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

counselor in one of our opening vignettes failed to note, in
Malaysia silence can show respect. Interpreting silence accu-
rately is important in culturally intelligent communication.

Nonverbal Communication

R AY M OV ES TO G R E E C E

I had no trouble finding the café. It was picture-perfect, as many are
in Athens: checkered tablecloths, white walls, nice Mediterranean
atmosphere. It was morning, so there were no customers. Behind
the counter, a slim woman in her forties was getting ready for the
start of the day. Dimitri’s mother. I’d seen her photos.

“Mrs. Theodoridis?”
She turned toward me, puzzled.
“I’m Ray. From Australia. Your son Dimitri . . . “
She smiled broadly. “Oh, Ray! Yes! You Ray! Oh yes, Dimitri

write me that you come to Greece. Oh, come, come! Sit! I bring
you come coffee.”

She moved toward the kitchen, motioning me to sit at one of
the tables. Suddenly, a worried frown spread across her features.
“Oh! Maybe you no like Greek coffee? Maybe you want ouzo?”

She was fussing over me. If there’s one thing we Australians can’t
stand, it’s being fussed over. But I stayed polite.

“Coffee would be great, thank you.”
She nodded and went into the kitchen. I sat down at the table.

She came back with the coffee and stood opposite me. She was
speaking to me in a warm, indulgent gush.

“Dimitri tell me you so help him when he move to Australia, with
his English and everything.” She put the coffee down on the table
and sat down opposite me, leaning toward me. She seemed too
close. I could smell her perfume. I leaned back a little. Australian
guys don’t like being gushed over; we like to keep our distance.

“So.” Suddenly she placed both her hands over one of mine, flat
on the table. She stroked my hand a little. “How you like Athens?”
Before I could answer, she moved her right hand, took a gentle hold
of my cheek, and shook it affectionately. “You find girlfriend, yes?”

This was not going the way I had expected. I had envisaged a

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Communicating, Negotiating, and Resolving Conflicts 95

more formal conversation, at a respectable distance, about Dimitri.
Instead she had her hands all over me. Her eyes seemed to be
staring right through me. And she was asking about my love life,
for heaven’s sake! What business was it of hers?

“Well, Mrs. Theodoridis,” I managed, “I . . . err . . . um . . .”
She was leaning toward me, close, intense. “I’ve only been here a
couple of months.”

“Yes, Ray, that’s right.” She was speaking to me as to a ten-year-
old child. Now she took my face in both her hands, and leaned
even closer. “You find nice Greek girl, settle down.” At last she
took her hands off me and leaned back, considering. “Some nice
Greek girls. You have good salary at Constantine Shipping, yes?”
She sipped her coffee. I was thinking, what is it with this woman?
She is altogether too familiar. Better be polite, though.

“Well, Mrs. Theodoridis, I . . . err . . . haven’t really thought
about settling down.”

“Yes, Ray, that’s right.” Why was she agreeing with everything
I said? “Better be careful. Some of these Greek girls, they want
big diamond ring, or fancy church wedding.” A thought occurred
to her. She leaned toward me, put her hand under my chin, and
looked at me intensely. She said softly “Are you religious, Ray?”

Bugger me, I thought, I’ve only known her two minutes, and
already she’s asking about my personal life, my money, and my
religion! I felt confused, embarrassed, and hot. And her constant
pawing was getting to me. What to do?

Then I had a brainwave. Play for time! “Ah, well, Mrs. Theo-
doridis. Maybe I will have that ouzo after all.”

“Aah!” She smiled and grasped my hand in a way that said, this
is our special, shared moment. Then she got up, ruffled my hair,
and went into the kitchen.

I looked after her, shaking my head involuntarily. What was she
about? Why was she so personal to a stranger, why so intimate?
What did she want?

This case is a good example of poor communication due to
cultural differences in conventions and body language. Greece
is a collectivist culture, with a lot of emphasis on the extended

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96 c u l t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e

family. Mrs. Theodoridis is treating Ray like a member of that
family because of his close relationship to her son Dimitri —
indeed she is treating him as if he is her son. And like many
people in Southern European cultures, Greek people have a
low interpersonal distance, and touching of the type Mrs.
Theodoridis is doing is not uncommon, particularly between
members of the extended family. But Ray, from the more
reserved, higher-distance Australian culture, sees all this as
intrusive: in his culture, touching between men and women
often has sexual connotations. No wonder he is confused!
And, it has to be said, in failing to notice Ray’s embarrassment
Mrs. Theodoridis shows low cultural intelligence.

The topic of body language is popular, and most of us
now realize that we communicate, often inadvertently, by
such means as physical proximity and orientation to another
person, body movements, gestures, facial expression, eye
contact, and tone of voice. Thus, nonverbal communication
supplements verbal communication a great deal.

Often, nonverbal communication is a good guide to the
truth: for example, if an athlete is sitting in the dressing
room after the match with shoulders slumped, arms folded,
and face glum, you do not need to ask, whatever his or her
culture, whether his team won or lost. Sometimes nonverbal
behavior reveals the opposite of verbal, for example, when
someone red in the face and making a considerable effort to
control himself, tells you, “No, …