CHAPTER 1 PERSPECTIVE ON HUMAN SEXUALITY by: WILLIAM YARBER

“The media, especially magazines and television, has had an influence on shaping my sexual identity. Ever since I was a little girl, I have watched the women on TV and hoped I would grow up to look sexy and beautiful like them. I feel that because of the constant barrage of images of beautiful women on TV and in magazines young girls like me grow up with unrealistic expectations of what beauty is and are doomed to feel they have not met this exaggerated standard.”

—21-year-old female

“The phone, television, and Internet became my best friends. I never missed an episode of any of the latest shows, and I knew all the words to every new song. And when Facebook entered my life, I finally felt connected. At school, we would talk about status updates: whom we thought was cute, relationship status, and outrageous photos. All of the things we saw were all of the things we fantasized about. These are the things we would talk about.”

—23-year-old female

“Though I firmly believe that we are our own harshest critics, I also believe that the media have a large role in influencing how we think of ourselves. I felt like ripping my hair out every time I saw a skinny model whose stomach was as hard and flat as a board, with their flawless skin and perfectly coifed hair. I cringed when I realized that my legs seemed to have an extra ‘wiggle-jiggle’ when I walked. All I could do was watch the television and feel abashed at the differences in their bodies compared to mine. When magazines and films tell me that for my age I should weigh no more than a hundred pounds, I feel like saying, ‘Well, gee, it’s no wonder I finally turned to laxatives with all these pressures to be thin surrounding me.’ I ached to be model-thin and pretty. This fixation to be as beautiful and coveted as these models so preoccupied me that I had no time to even think about anyone or anything else.”

—18-year-old female

“I am aware that I may be lacking in certain areas of my sexual self-esteem, but I am cognizant of my shortcomings and am willing to work on them. A person’s sexual self-esteem isn’t something that is detached from his or her daily life. It is intertwined in every aspect of life and how one views his or her self: emotionally, physically, and mentally. For my own sake, as well as my daughter’s, I feel it is important for me to develop and model a healthy sexual self-esteem.”

—28-year-old male

SEXUALITY WAS ONCE HIDDEN from view in our culture: Fig leaves covered the “private parts” of nudes; poultry breasts were renamed “white meat”; censors prohibited the publication of the works of D. H. Lawrence, James Joyce, and Henry Miller; and homosexuality was called “the love that dares not speak its name.” But over the past few generations, sexuality has become more open. In recent years, popular culture and the media have transformed what we “know” about sexuality. Not only is sexuality not hidden from view; it often seems to surround and embed itself into all aspects of our lives.

“Nature is to be reverenced, not blushed at.”

—Tertullian (c. 155 CE–c. 220 CE)

In this chapter, we discuss why we study human sexuality and examine popular culture and the media to see how they shape our ideas about sexuality. Then we look at how sexuality has been conceptualized in different cultures and at different times in history. Finally, we examine how society defines various aspects of our sexuality as natural or normal.

•Studying Human Sexuality

The study of human sexuality differs from the studies of accounting, plant biology, and medieval history, for example, because human sexuality is surrounded by a vast array of taboos, fears, prejudices, and hypocrisy. For many, sexuality creates ambivalent feelings. It is linked not only with intimacy and pleasure but also with shame, guilt, and discomfort. As a result, you may find yourself confronted with society’s mixed feelings about sexuality as you study it. You may find, for example, that others perceive you as somehow “unique” or page 3“different” for taking this course. Some may feel threatened in a vague, undefined way. Parents, partners, or spouses (or your own children, if you are a parent) may wonder why you want to take a “sex class”; they may want to know why you don’t take something more “serious”—as if sexuality were not one of the most important issues we face as individuals and as a society. Sometimes this uneasiness manifests itself in humor, one of the ways in which we deal with ambivalent feelings: “You mean you have to take a class on sex?” “Are there labs?” “Why don’t you let me show you?”

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”

—Aristotle (384 BCE–322 BCE)

Ironically, despite societal ambivalence, you may quickly find that your human sexuality text or ebook becomes the most popular book in your dormitory or apartment. “I can never find my textbook when I need it,” one of our students complained. “My roommates are always reading it. And they’re not even taking the course!” Another student observed: “My friends used to kid me about taking the class, but now the first thing they ask when they see me is what we discussed in class.” “My friends gather around when I open up my online sexuality course, waiting for a glimpse of photos or new information.”

As you study human sexuality, you will find yourself exploring topics not ordinarily discussed in other classes. Sometimes they are rarely talked about even among friends. They may be prohibited by family, religious, or cultural teaching. For this reason, behaviors such as masturbation and sexual fantasizing are often the source of considerable guilt and shame. But in your human sexuality course, these topics will be examined objectively. You may be surprised to discover, in fact, that part of your learning involves unlearning myths, factual errors, distortions, biases, and prejudices you learned previously.

Taking a course in human sexuality is like no other college experience. It requires that students examine their sexual beliefs and behaviors in the context of a wide variety of social and cultural factors and incorporate this new perspective into their sexual lives and well-being.

Andersen Ross/Getty Images

Sexuality may be the most taboo subject you study as an undergraduate, but your comfort level in class will probably increase as you recognize that you and your fellow students have a common purpose in learning about sexuality. Your sense of ease may also increase as you and your classmates get to know one another and discuss sexuality, both inside and outside the class. You may find that, as you become accustomed to using the nuanced sexual vocabulary, you are more comfortable discussing various topics. For example, your communication with a partner may improve, which will strengthen your relationship and increase sexual satisfaction for both of you. You may never before have used the word masturbation, clitoris, or penis in a class setting or any kind of setting, for that matter. But after a while, using these and other terms may become second nature to you. You may discover that discussing sexuality academically becomes as easy as talking about computer science, astronomy, or literature. You may even find yourself, as many students do, sharing with your friends what you learned in class while on a bus or in a restaurant, as other passengers or diners gasp in surprise or lean toward you to hear better!

Studying sexuality requires respect for your fellow students. You’ll discover that the experiences and values of your classmates vary greatly. Some have little sexual experience, while others have a lot of experience; some students hold progressive sexual values, while others hold conservative ones. Some students are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, or another identity (LGBTQ+). This plus sign represents inclusiveness of all identities. Most students are young, others middle-aged, some older—each in a different stage of life and with different developmental tasks before them. Furthermore, the presence of students from any of the numerous religious and ethnic groups in the United States reminds us that there is no single behavior, attitude, value, or sexual norm that encompasses sexuality in contemporary society. Finally, as your sexuality evolves you will find that you will become more accepting of yourself as a sexual human being with your own “sexual voice.” From this, you will truly “own” your sexuality.

“Words do not have inherent meaning, they are signifiers of meaning and these meanings shift across time.”

—Morgan Lev Edward Holleb (1989–)

•Sexuality, Popular Culture, and the Media

Much of sexuality is influenced and shaped by popular culture, especially the mass media. Popular culture presents us with myriad images of what it means to be sexual. But what kinds of sexuality do the media portray for our consumption?

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Media Portrayals of Sexuality

What messages do the media send about sexuality to children, adolescents, adults, and older people? To people of varied races, ethnicities, and sexual orientations? Perhaps as important as what the media portray sexually is what is not portrayed—masturbation, condom use, and older adults’ sexuality, for example.

“One picture is worth more than a thousand words.”

—Chinese proverb

Media are among the most powerful forces in people’s lives today. Adults ages 18 and over spend more time engaging with media than in any other activity—an average of 12 hours per day, 7 days per week (see Figure 1). Watching TV, playing video games, texting, listening to music, and searching the Internet provide a constant stream of messages, images, expectations, and values about which few (if any) of us can resist. Whether and how this exposure is related to sexual outcomes is complex and debatable, depending on the population studied. However, data that are available may provide an impetus for policymakers who are forming media policies, parents who are trying to support their children’s identity and learning, and educators and advocates who are concerned about the impact of media on youth and who wish to underscore the potential impact of media in individuals’ lives. For those concerned about promoting sexual health and well-being, understanding media’s prominence and role in people’s lives is essential.

• FIGURE 1

Average Time Spent Per Day With Media by Persons in the United States, Ages 18 and Over, 2019.

Source: www.eMarketer.com [April 2019]

Mass-media depictions of sexuality function not only to entertain and exploit, but also in some cases to educate. As a result, the media often do not present us with “real” depictions of sexuality. Sexual activities, for example, are usually not explicitly acted out or described in mainstream media. The social and cultural taboos that are still part of mainstream U.S. culture remain embedded in the media. Thus the various media present the social context of sexuality; that is, the programs, plots, movies, stories, articles, newscasts, and vignettes tell us what behaviors are culturally most appropriate, with whom they are appropriate, and why they are appropriate.

Probably nothing has revolutionized sexuality the way that access to the Internet has. A click on a website link provides sex on demand. The Internet’s contributions to the availability and commercialization of sex include live images and chats, personalized pages and ads, and links to potential or virtual sex partners. The spread of the web has made it easy to obtain information, solidify social ties, and provide sexual gratification.

“Would you like to come back to my place and do what I’m going to tell my friends we did anyway?”

—Spanky

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practically

speakingA Quick and Evolving Glossary of Sexual Identity and Sexual Orientation

Our knowledge and understanding about sexuality, gender, gender identity, and gender variations along with the nomenclature to describe each are evolving. For example, we now recognize that gender diversity extends well beyond variation in masculinity or femininity such that both government institutions and social media platforms like Facebook and Tinder have adopted over 30 different self-identifying gender terms that go well beyond the social constructs of man and woman (Whyte et al., 2018). Though subject to opinions and differences, this document represents a partial list of current terminology used for sexual and gender identities and variations and sexual orientation. The comprehensive list is, undoubtedly, much longer. To learn of the other current terms, one can seek information from professional sexuality organizations, especially those that focus on sexuality and gender-related issues. Over time, there will be additions and corrections to this evolving nomenclature.

Agender Those who do not identify with any gender.

Anatomical sex Refers to physical sex: gonads, uterus, vulva, vagina, penis, etc.

Androgyny A combination of masculine and feminine traits or nontraditional gender expression. May be referred to as genderqueer or gender fluid.

Asexuality Lack of sexual attraction.

Assigned sex An assignment that is made at birth, usually male or female, typically on the basis of external genital anatomy but sometimes on the basis of internal gonads, chromosomes, or hormone levels.

Bisexuality An emotional and sexual attraction to two or more genders or someone who is attracted to people, regardless of their gender. (See also pansexuality.)

Cisgender Someone whose gender identity aligns with the gender assigned at birth.

Disorders of sex development (DSD) Considered by some to pathologize gender variations, the diagnosis may be used to describe congenital conditions in which the external appearance of the individual does not coincide with the chromosomal constitution or the gonadal sex. The term DSD is no longer used by the World Health Organization. Also known as differences of sex development or intersex.

Gender The socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a society considers appropriate for a sex.

Genderqueer A spectrum of identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine. Rather, a person identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male or female genders.

Gender binary The idea that gender is an either-or option of male or female. Many who question their gender are uncertain, unwilling to state, or feel limited by those neatly fitting categories.

Gender non-binary or genderqueer is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine.

Gender confirming treatment A means for those who find it essential and medically necessary to establish congruence with their gender identity. Also referred to as gender affirming treatment or gender reassignment surgery.

Gender diverse An umbrella term used to describe an ever-evolving array of labels people may apply when their gender identity, expression, or perception does not conform to the norms and stereotypes of others. Replaces the former term gender nonconforming.

Gender dysphoria A clinical symptom and psychiatric diagnosis which has focus on the distress that stems from the incongruence between one’s expressed or experienced gender and the gender assigned at birth. Previously called gender identity disorder.

Gender fluid(ity) People whose gender expressions and/or identity is not static; that is, it is not the same all the time.

Gender identity A person’s internal sense or perception of being male, female, or blend of both, or neither.

Gender roles Attitudes, behaviors, rights, and responsibilities that particular cultural groups associate with our assumed or assigned sex.

Gender variant Anyone who deviates from the historical norms of masculinity and femininity. Also known as transgender, gender diverse, gender non-binary, or genderqueer.

Genetic sex Chromosomal and hormonal sex characteristics.

Heteroflexible Individuals who identify as heterosexual or mostly heterosexual but report moderate same-sex behavior and attraction.

Heteronormativity The belief that heterosexuality is normal, natural, and superior to all other expressions of sexuality.

Heterosexuality Emotional and sexual attraction between persons of the other sex. Also referred to as straight.

Homosexuality Emotional and sexual attraction between persons of the same sex. Also referred to as gay or queer.

Intersex A variety of conditions that may occur during fetal development and lead to atypical development of physical sex characteristics. These conditions can involve the external genitals, internal reproductive organs, sex, and sex-related hormones. May also be known as disorders of sex development (DSD).

Pansexuality Emotional and sexual attraction regardless of gender identities and expressions.

Queer Those whose identified gender or sexual identity is non-conforming, that is, not heterosexual or cisgender.

Sex Consists either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.

Sexual and gender minority A group including, but not limited to, individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, transgender, two-spirit, queer, and/or intersex. page 6Individuals with same-sex or -gender attractions or behaviors and those with a difference in sex development are also included.

Sexual orientation A multidimensional construct composed of sexual identity, attraction, and behavior.

Transgender An umbrella term for those whose gender expression or identity is not congruent with the sex assigned at birth. This includes those who identify as genderqueer or gender fluid, gender nonconforming, intersex, and trans.

Transsexual A somewhat outdated term for someone who is not the gender they were assigned at birth. Often implied is a medical transition. Transgender is now the preferred term.

Transvestism Wearing of clothes of the other sex for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification. Often referred to as cross-dressing.

Images of sexuality permeate our society, sexualizing our environment. Think about the sexual images you see or hear in a 24-hour period. What messages do they communicate about sexuality?

John Violet/Alamy Stock Photo

It’s common knowledge that most of us have thoroughly integrated all forms of media into our lives. In spite of being heavy users of media, more than half of those aged 13–17 are worried that they spend too much time on their cellphones, while a similar percent have tried to limit their use of social media or video games (Pew Research Center, 2018). Though high school males spend more time on the computer than high school females, teenagers spend most of their media/communications time watching TV and videos (Rideout & Robb, 2019). For school-aged children and adolescents, the American Academy of Pediatrics [AAP] (2016) suggests that parents teach young people to balance media use with other healthy behaviors; no small endeavor considering the powerful draw and influence of the media.

The music industry is awash with sexual images and messages too. Contemporary pop music, from rock ‘n’ roll to rap, is filled with lyrics about sexuality mixed with messages about love, rejection, violence, and loneliness. Research has found that women are frequently sexualized and objectified within music videos, with sexual references including women engaging in implicit sexual behaviors, sex is seen as a priority for men, and women are defined by having a man (American Psychological Association [APA], 2018). As a result, there is increasing evidence that exposure to sexual content in music may be impacting young people’s identity and gender role development, most significantly related to stereotypical gender role attitudes, ideals, and expectations. Because of censorship issues, the most overtly sexual music is not played on the radio but is more often streamed through the Internet via YouTube, Pandora, Spotify, and other sites.

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Women’s magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and Elle use sex to sell their publications. How do these magazines differ from men’s magazines such as Men’s Health, Playboy, and Maxim in their treatment of sexuality?

emka74/Alamy Stock Photo

Magazines, tabloids, and books contribute to the sexualization of our society as well. It’s important to note that sexualization is not the same as sex or sexuality; rather sexualization is a form of sexism that narrows a frame of a person’s worth and value. The sexualization of individuals sees value and worth only as sexual body parts for others’ sexual pleasure. For example, popular romance novels and self-help books disseminate ideas and values about sexuality and body image. Men’s magazines have been singled out for their sexual emphasis. Playboy, Men’s Health, and Maxim, with their Playmates of the Month, sex tips, and other advice, are among the most popular magazines in the world. Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit edition alone draws 63 million adult users in the United States (Sports Illustrated, 2020).

It would be a mistake to think that only male-oriented magazines focus on sex. Women’s magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Elle have their own sexual content. These magazines feature romantic photographs of lovers to illustrate stories with such titles as “Sizzling Sex Secrets of the World’s Sexiest Women,” “Making Love Last: If Your Partner Is a Premature Ejaculator,” and “Turn on Your Man with Your Breasts (Even If They Are Small).” Preadolescents and young teens are not exempt from sexual images and articles in magazines such as Seventeen and J-14. Given these magazines’ heavy emphasis on looks, it’s not surprising that those who read a lot of women-focused magazines are more likely to have internalized the thin ideal, have negative views of their appearance, engage in restricted eating and bulimic behaviors, and experience negative psychological health (Northrup, 2013; Swiatkowski, 2016).

In the absence of alternative resources to guide their decisions concerning sexual relationships, college students often rely on sexual scripts conveyed through mass media (Hust et al., 2014). Since the majority of men’s magazines seem to promote men as sexual aggressors, it’s easy to understand how many men internalize this message. As a result, readers of men’s magazines report lower intentions to ask their sexual partner for consent for sexual activity and are less likely to adhere to sexual consent decisions by their partner (Hust et al., 2014). A recent meta-analysis from 59 studies revealed that exposure to sexual media had a small but significant effect on sexual attitudes and behaviors, with effects being stronger for adolescents than emerging adults. Additionally, the effects were stronger for boys than girls and for white individuals compared with Black individuals (Coyne et al., 2019). Regarding page 8women’s exposure to women’s magazines, Ward (2016) found that their exposure was positively associated with their ability to refuse unwanted sexual activity.

Advertising in all media uses the sexual sell, promising sex, romance, popularity, and fulfillment if the consumer will only purchase the right soap, perfume, cigarettes, alcohol, toothpaste, jeans, or automobile. In reality, not only does one not become “sexy” or popular by consuming a certain product, but the product may actually be detrimental to one’s sexual well-being, as in the case of cigarettes or alcohol.

Throughout the world, the media have assumed an increasingly significant role in shaping perspectives toward gender and sexual roles. In a review of 135 peer-reviewed studies in the United States between 1995 and 2015, the findings found consistent evidence that both laboratory exposure and everyday exposure to mainstream media are directly associated with higher levels of body dissatisfaction, greater self-objectification, or evaluating oneself based on appearance; greater support of sexist beliefs; and greater tolerance of sexual violence toward women (Ward, 2016). In addition, experimental exposure to media has led society to have a diminished view of women’s competence, morality, and humanity. This evidence, however, varies depending on the genres of media we consume and our preexisting beliefs, identities, and experiences.

Though much research has focused on the impact of media on female development, media undoubtedly has an impact on men as well. What has been found is that men’s frequent consumption of sexually objectifying media (i.e., TV, films, and videos) was associated with greater objectification of their romantic partners, which in turn was linked to lower levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction (Zurbriggen et al., 2011).

Media images of sexuality permeate a variety of areas in people’s lives. They can produce sexual arousal and emotional reactions, provide social connection, entertain, increase sexual behaviors, and be a source of sex information. On the other hand, unmonitored Internet access among youth raises significant concerns about its risks. Since 2006, the Me Too movement (or #MeToo) in social media has helped to create more gender and racial equality and inclusion, as well as safer working environments. Though it originally addressed sexual harassment and sexual assault, its scope has expanded to an international movement for justice for people in marginalized communities. However, there is still work to be done. Though sexual harassment has decreased and the voices of women are being heard, it doesn’t mean that we can cease our awareness or actions around social justice and empowerment issues.

Given the fact that teens now spend an average of more than seven hours per day on screen media for entertainment, it’s clear that media consumption and exposure play a significant role in their lives (Rideout & Robb, 2019). Currently, the total time spent on screen media beats time spent eating and drinking, socializing, and grooming.

Of concern around adolescents’ heavy media use is their viewing of sexually explicit videos. Because of its easy access along with the potential risks associated with its use, understanding its implications is important for parents, partners, as well as the rest of us.

Reality shows, such as The Bachelorette and 90 Day Fiancé frequently highlight idealized and sexual themes. What are some of the most popular reality shows? Do they differ according to race/ethnicity?

Raymond Hall/GC Images/Getty Images

Television and Digital Media

Among all types of media, television and digital (online and mobile) have been the most prevalent, pervasive, and vexing icons, saturating every corner of public and private space, shaping consciousness, defining reality, and entertaining the masses (see Figure 2). While the frequency of online videos has been increasing, so has been the number of sexual references in programming. While narratives that provide educational information regarding the risks and consequences of sexual behavior are frequently missing from television shows, sexual violence and abuse, casual sex among adults, lack of contraception use, and failure to portray consequences of risky behaviors are common. Because reality programs (e.g., page 9Temptation Island and Are You The One?), and screen media feature “real” people (as opposed to actors), it is possible that exposure to their objectifying content can have even a more significant impact than other types of programming. Considering the variety of media genres, including music videos, advertising, video games, and magazines, it becomes apparent that sexualized images are often the dominant way that young people learn about sex.

• FIGURE 2

Amount of Time of Daily Media Use, By Age, 2019.

Source: The Nielsen Company, 2019

While it is apparent that exposure to television does not affect all people in the same way, it is clear that the sexual double standard, or judging heterosexual men and women differently for the same sexual behavior, taps into our national ambivalence about sex, equality, morality, and violence. It accomplishes this in ways that are both subtle and blatant, leaving some viewers confused, others angry, and still others reinforced around their views of the other sex. Other programs seek to normalize non-heterosexual behaviors as well as gender variations (Kinsler et al., 2018). With no shortage of dramas, comedies, movies, or specials available we now see queer characters in a variety of mainstream venues including those in Schitt’s Creek, Grace and Frankie, and Everything’s Gonna Be Okay. Additionally, television is making strides to educate teens and young adults about sexuality and parenting. Programs such as Teen Mom, 13 Reasons Why, and Sex Education have consulted with professional organizations to help educate viewers. This type of alliance is good for all of us.

“The vast wasteland of TV is not interested in producing a better mousetrap but in producing a worse mouse.”

—Laurence Coughlin

Unlike the film industry, which uses a single ratings board to regulate all American releases, television has been governed by an informal consensus. In 1997, networks began to rely on watchdog standards and practices departments to rate their shows; however, these divisions have few, if any, hard-and-fast rules. While the Federal Communication Commission (FCC) does not offer clear guidelines about what is and is not permissible on the airwaves, the agency does permit looser interpretations of its decency standards for broadcasts between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.

Music and Game Videos MTV, MTV2, VH1, BET, and music video platforms such as Vimeo and YouTube are very popular among adolescents and young adults. Unlike audio-recorded music, music videos play to the ear and the eye. With this, artists have brought energy, sexuality, and individualism to the young music audience, while others have page 10objectified and degraded mostly women by stripping them of any sense of power and individualism and focusing strictly on their sexuality.

Video games that often promote sexist and violent attitudes fill the aisles of stores across the country and generate over $43 million per year in the United States (Bowles & Keller, 2019). Pushing the line between obscenity and amusement, games often provide images of unrealistically shaped and submissive women mouthing sexy dialogues in degrading scenes. Men, in contrast, are often revealed as unrealistic, violent figures whose primary purpose is to destroy and conquer. Though many of these video games are rated “M” (mature) by the Entertainment Software Ratings Board, they are both popular with and accessible to young people.

Recently, however, the gaming industry has been challenged by an outcry against sexism in both video games and in the workplace that produces them. The nature of female representations in games, most significantly the sexualization and stereotyping of female characters, has decreased. The decline has been attributed to an increasing universal interest in gaming coupled with the heightened criticism directed at the gaming industry. This is not to say that the sexualization that does exist is nonproblematic, but rather the trend toward portraying all genders as competent, strong, and attractive without overt sexualization may eventually help to achieve gender parity, at least in the game culture.

An additional concern in the online gaming and chat worlds, including the chat features on consoles like Xbox and services like Steam, are the spaces that allow children and adults to interact. Sexual predators can meet young people online through multiplayer video games and chat apps and, over time, make virtual connections that build trust. Their goal, whether it’s through video games or other means of social media, is to trick children into sharing sexually explicit photos and videos of themselves, which they use as blackmail for more imagery or to humiliate or exact revenge; a practice known as sextortion (Bowles & Keller, 2019; De Santisteban & Gamez-Guadix, 2018). Though there are tools to detect abuse content, scanning for new images is difficult. Parents need to know what their children are playing and what tools are available to help protect them. Parents who suspect a problem should react carefully when their children report encounters as punishing children by prohibiting video games or social media could backfire and drive children to even more secrecy.

Watching female icons such as Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion dance in a provocative manner has become mainstream in most music videos.

(a) Scott Legato/Getty Images; (b) Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images

Feature-Length Films

From their very inception, motion pictures have dealt with sexuality. In 1896, a film titled The Kiss outraged moral guardians when it showed a couple stealing a quick kiss. “Absolutely disgusting,” complained one critic. “The performance comes near being indecent in its emphasized indecency. Such things call for police action” (quoted in Webb, 1983). Today, in contrast, film critics use “explicit,” a word independent of artistic value, to praise a film. “Explicit” films are movies in which the requisite “sex scenes” are sufficiently titillating to overcome their lack of aesthetic merit. What is clear is that movies are similar to television in their portrayal of the consequences of unprotected sex, such as unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV/AIDS.

The notion of “true love” in dramas and romantic comedies has come to represent the idealized belief of some that love conquers all. Stories about love, including those in books, magazines, music, television, and the Internet, are often so stereotypical and idealized that it is difficult for people to separate these unrealistic representations from what is healthy and reasonable in their romantic relationships. (For more information about styles of love, see Chapter 8.) To help balance these notions, it is important to have authentic personal experiences, mentors in one’s life, honesty with oneself, and peers who will reveal that sex is often imperfect and that disagreements and communication difficulties are typical.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer People in Film and Television

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) individuals are slowly being integrated into mainstream films and television. However, when queer people do appear, they page 11are frequently defined in terms of their sexual orientation or gender identity, as if there were nothing more to their lives. Though the situation is changing, gay men are generally stereotyped as effeminate or flighty or they may be closeted. Lesbian women are often stereotyped as either super-feminine or super-masculine. And queer individuals often appear as odd.

“Coming out” stories are now the standard for television programs that deal with gay characters. However, what has recently changed is that the age of these characters has become younger. Teen coming-out stories seem relevant in that they reflect the identity issues of being gay, transgender, queer, questioning, or unsure about their sexual identity and expose the vulnerability most young people in junior high and high school feel about being bullied. Different from stories in which queer people are marginalized and stereotyped, the messages in many of the shows for younger audiences are quite consistent: that you will be accepted for who you are. Still, media have a long way to go in terms of normalizing any type of healthy sexual relationships. The biggest hurdle remains in showing adults, particularly two males, kissing on screen as their heterosexual counterparts would. While teen shows may have somewhat overcome this barrier, most “adult” programs have not.

More frequent in movies is what has been referred to as queerbating, a marketing technique used to describe media where the creators integrate homoeroticism between two characters to lure in same sex and liberal audiences, yet never fully include actual representation for fear of alienating a wider audience. For example, in Disney’s remake of Beauty and the Beast in 2017, there’s a momentary shot that shows Le Fou dancing with another man, along with coded words about his feelings for Gaston. This bait-and-switch technique leaves many LGBTQ+ fans disappointed not to see themselves represented in meaningful ways that shed light on their lives and relationships.

In the film, Bombshell, a group of women take on Fox News head Roger Ailes for the toxic environment he presided over.

Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic/Getty Images

Online Social Networks

Using the Internet is a major recreational activity that has altered the ways in which individuals communicate and carry on interpersonal relationships. Though social theorists have long been concerned with the alienating effects of technology, the Internet appears quite page 12different from other communication technologies. Its efficacy, power, and influence, along with the anonymity and depersonalization that accompany its use, have made it possible for users to more easily obtain and distribute sexual materials, images, and information, as well as to interact sexually in different ways.

Writers in television and film are finally giving gay characters prominence beyond their sexuality. These programs include The L Word, Generation Q, Pose, Betty, & Dear White People.

TCD/Prod.DB/Alamy Stock Photo

Social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are well integrated into the daily lives of most people around the world. Their popularity cannot be underestimated: Facebook alone reports to have nearly 2.5 billion global users (Statista, 2019.1a). Add this to the 500 million Americans who are daily active users on Instagram and the one billion monthly active users worldwide (Statista, 2019.1b), and it’s obvious that the digital landscape has taken over the globe.

For anyone with a computer, social networks provide readily accessible friends and potential partners, help maintain friendships, and shape sexual culture.

Dean Mitchell/Getty Images

Social networking sites provide an opportunity for many to display their identities: religious, political, ideological, work-related, sexual orientation, and gender identity, to name a few. While doing so, individuals can also gain feedback from peers and strengthen their bonds of friendship. At the same time, social networking can be a place of “relationship drama.” By posting details or pictures from a date on a social networking site such as Instagram or Snapchat, individuals share every gory detail of their relationship with anyone willing to take the time to view or read about it. While many who use the Internet to flirt with others have largely positive opinions and experiences, significant numbers of other users have negative ones. Many social networking users report having unfriended or blocked someone who was flirting in a way that made them feel uncomfortable, while others have unfriended someone they are no longer dating. Some have also used these sites to check up on someone they previously dated or to research potential romantic partners. Ghosting, or withdrawing from a person’s life without notice and by ignoring their communications following a date or relationship, is another problem that may be more common among online dating. Not surprising, many realize that these sites can serve as an unwanted reminder that relationships have ended and, maybe worse, that their previous beloved one is now dating someone else. There is also increasing concern about the potential link between social media use and mental health and well-being in young people. A British study involving more than 10,000 youth, ages 13 to 16, found a clear connection between increased social media use and symptoms of psychological distress in girls. The link was not clear among boys (Viner et al., 2019). Though sites such as Instagram and Facebook did not directly cause mental health issues, nearly 60% of the impact on psychological distress in girls was attributed to social media disrupting their sleep and exposing them to cyberbullying, the use of electronic communication to bully, intimidate, or threaten a person.

With thousands of sexual health sites maintained online, new forms of media are also powerful tools for learning. When credible sources are located, these media have become convenient avenues by which people can get important sexual health information. There are, however, two significant concerns associated with using media to learn about sexuality and sexual health: the possibility that the information is inaccurate or misleading and the possibility that those who turn to the media may turn away from real people in their lives.

For many users, the Internet provides a fascinating venue for experiencing sex. For some users, however, porn consumption gets them in trouble: maxed-out credit cards, neglected responsibility, and overlooked loved ones. There are both online and community resources for those who desire counseling. While searching for such sources, however, consumers and professionals must be aware of the differences between therapy, consultation, and entertainment. Additionally, because entrepreneurs can make more money from hype and misinformation than from high-quality therapy and education, consumers must remain vigilant in assessing the background of the therapist and the source of the information.

One occurrence associated with the drastically changing culture of interpersonal communication is what is called sexting —the sending or receiving suggestive or explicit texts, photos, or video messages via computers or mobile devices. The wide array of accessible media provides the opportunity for choosing different purposes for sending and receiving sexts, including sexual self-expression, experimentation, self-definition, and education. At the same time, it has become clear that expectations of privacy in the digital world are being challenged related to ownership of sexual messages and images, sharing and trafficking of sexual material without consent, and potential social and psychological health consequences of shared texts (Garcia et al., 2016).

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think

about itOnline Dating: No Longer A Last Attempt

The popularity and accessibility of digital media and technology have allowed individuals to present themselves publicly in ways that were previously never possible. No longer is online dating seen as a last attempt for the lonely and desperate, nor is it stigmatized by the general public. After all, almost half of U.S. online users have met or known someone who has met a romantic partner on a dating website or app (Statista, 2019.1c). Dating sites such as Match.com, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and Grindr, along with platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat enable individuals to find potential partners in just minutes with the simple swipe of an app or a click on a website. Social media facilitate communication and support, play a prominent role in navigating and documenting romantic relationships, provide an outlet for sexual exploration and expression and, for a small minority, are a means to exploit another. Using technology, individuals negotiate over when, with whom, and how to meet and interact.

Over time, traditional sites and avenues for meeting singles, including universities, clubs, gyms, and workplaces, have been partially replaced by the Internet, thereby allowing people to meet and form relationships with others with whom they have no knowledge or social connections. But just how successful or risky are these sites and apps? Once the work of creating a profile is complete, can getting a date really be that difficult? To some degree, that depends on what it is that people want–to hook up or have casual sex, to date casually, or to date as a way of actively pursuing a relationship. In early 2019, 49% of dating app users stated that they were using online dating services to look for an exclusive romantic partner. An additional 20% used online dating for non-exclusive romantic partners and 33% stated that they used online dating apps and services specifically for sexual encounters (Statista, 2019.1c). The same survey found that dating platform or app users were predominately male and younger in age (see Figure 3). Combined, the online dating audience size is approximately 34 million, amounting to approximately $555 million in revenue in 2018 (Statista, 2019.1c).

• FIGURE 3

Percentage of Internet Users in the United States Who Have Used Online Dating Sites or Apps as of 2017, by Age Group.

Source: Statista, 2020

No doubt, the Internet, including dating sites, is a means of communication which not only brings new contexts for socialization and interaction, but provides a means of expressing identity and sexuality that might otherwise feel more threatening than a face-to-face contact. It’s common knowledge that technology can enhance one’s ability to find a date, and in doing so, fulfill their desire to flirt, date, and in some cases, find a suitable partner. For the isolated, marginalized, underrepresented, and disenfranchised individuals, many of whom hide their gender or sexual identities from others, Internet dating sites may play an even more prominent and useful role in navigating romantic relationships because it allows them to be honest about who they are. When the experiences with online dating are examined, almost half of users reported having had a very or somewhat positive experience with it. Men report having a better time with dating apps than women, with only 10% of male users reporting somewhat or very negative experiences, whereas 29% of women reported negative experiences (Statista, 2019.1c).

Dating apps are not without their detractors and caveats. One pitfall of online dating is the view that in the endless array of online partners, one can be less satisfied with their choice. This could be page 14compared to going to a frozen yogurt shop, seeing the 15 delicious options, choosing 1 or 2, and feeling less satisfied because of all the flavors they could have had instead. Outcomes related to this level of frustration include the belief that technology has made finding a mate more difficult, and in doing so may delay or even suppress the desire to establish a deeper relationship. As a result, both the selection process and the process of self-presentation have, in some people’s experience, brought about a kind dating-app fatigue or weariness. What might underscore this fatigue is that of the 1.6 billion swipes a day on Tinder, there are just 26 million matches (Julian, 2018). It appears that the overwhelming majority of matches don’t lead to either a two-way text exchange, much less a date, or sex for that matter. Additional concerns associated with online dating are that some users feel uncomfortable meeting someone who might pose a danger, having to block or report someone for personal or legal reasons, or having requests for or being sent unsolicited photos. The phenomenon of ghosting appears to occur among one-fourth of dating respondents (Henderson, 2018). In the past when partners met through peer groups, for example, ghosting was perhaps not as prevalent because of the social stigma associated with it. Today, because of the anonymity the Internet provides and possible isolation of its users, individuals don’t have to incur such costs.

Based on these and other factors, many online dating users have taken measures before personally meeting someone to first search their name on social media profiles as well as search their phone number online. Additionally, it’s always wise to meet someone for the first time in a public place and let a friend or colleague know in advance about your plans. Despite the risks associated with dating apps and sites, most customers view them as welcome agents in their search for companionship, love, sex, and intimacy (Hobbs et al., 2016). For those who are still waiting for that perfect date, if what you’re doing doesn’t work, then change your strategy.

Think Critically

Would you consider participating in or have you posted or created a dating site? If so, how did you describe yourself? Were you completely honest? If you would not consider using a dating site, what prevents you from doing so?

Do you believe that Internet sites should be censored? Why or why not?

What are some actions you might take to protect yourself from being uncomfortable and remaining safe when using a dating site?

When looking at the relationship status of those who send and receive sexts, the landscape is quite varied. Three common scenarios for sexting are: (1) the exchange of images solely between two romantic partners, (2) exchanges between a partner and someone outside the relationship, and (3) exchanges between people who are not yet in a relationship but at least one person hopes to be. When surveyed about their reasons for sending sexts, most stated that they wanted to give their partner a sexy present, use it to enhance their relationship, or respond to a sext that was given to them (Champion & Pedersen, 2015).

The most damaging aspect of the sharing of sexts occurs when they go beyond the intended recipient and are trafficked to others for whom they were not intended. Sexting can hurt one’s reputation, career, self-esteem, and current relationships and friendships. It can also cause shame and guilt to the victim of such a transgression. And the potential of sextortion, or coaxing victims into taking explicit photos and videos and then threatening to distribute them to others if they don’t pay them, is becoming increasingly common among scammers. Complicating this problem is the offenders’ utilization of privacy protection networks to obscure their identities. These sites enable offenders to route all of their incoming and outgoing Internet traffic through a number of different locations anywhere in the world, so that law enforcement cannot use traditional means to locate them (Pittaro, 2019). Additionally, the utilization of encryption can protect offenders’ identities as well as the exploitation materials they create, share, and collect from observation by law enforcement. It probably comes as no surprise that some individuals, particularly women and very young persons, are more susceptible to being victimized because they are perceived to be more vulnerable to calculating offenders.

In response to teen sexting, some states have brought felony charges under child exploitation laws, while in other places prosecutors can require young people to take courses on the dangers of social media instead of charging them with a crime. The struggle to reconcile digital eroticism with real-world consequences is inherent when using technology to facilitate human interactions. Instead of looking at sexting as objectifying and inherently dangerous, another perspective is that sexting can be sexually liberating. That is, the self-portrayal of the body that occurs in sexting can facilitate individuals’ exploration of their bodies and help them reclaim and liberate themselves from society’s view of the ideal. An indicator of this sexual liberation is acceptance with nudity. Two researchers recently assessed the contrasting page 15views of sexting, that being objectifying versus liberating, and found that sexting is both of these (Liong & Cheng, 2019). That is, while sexting involves showing one’s bare body or body parts to another person can encourage objectification, sexting for all genders can be a form of liberation from the everyday restrictions placed upon the body. The authors concluded with the need for sex(t) education that could help youth develop awareness to explore their unique bodies, accept that no one must be subjected to the desires of others, and if they choose to sext, do so responsibly and consensually.

Because of the high volume of sexual discussions and material available on the Internet, there is an increasing demand for government regulation. In 1996, Congress passed the Communications Decency Act, which made it illegal to use computer networks to transmit “obscene” materials or place “indecent” words or images where children might read or see them. However, courts have declared this legislation a violation of freedom of speech.

While one might argue that it is unwise to confuse entertainment with education, media use is not without its negative consequences on health. Studies find that high levels of media use among young people is associated with academic problems, sleep deprivation, obesity, risky behaviors, and more (American Academy of Pediatricians [AAP], 2016). Recognizing the ubiquitous role of media in children’s lives, AAP has released policy recommendations to help families maintain healthy media usage, which includes the following:

Avoid use of screen media except video chatting among children younger than 18 months

Locate high-quality programming beginning at around 18–24 months of age and watch it with their children

Allow one hour of high-quality programming per day for children aged 2–5 years

Limit time and type of media for children 6 and older, along with media-free times together and ongoing communication about online citizenship and safety.

Congressman Anthony Weiner resigned from the House of Representatives in 2011 after sending to multiple women sexually suggestive pictures of himself.

Archive PL/Alamy Stock Photo

•Sexuality Across Cultures and Times

What we see as “natural” in our culture may be viewed as unnatural in other cultures. Few Americans would disagree about the erotic potential of kissing. But other cultures perceive kissing as merely the exchange of saliva. To the Mehinaku of the Amazon rain forest, for example, kissing is a disgusting sexual abnormality; no Mehinaku engages in it (Gregor, 1985). The fact that others press their lips against each other, salivate, and become sexually excited merely confirms their “strangeness” to the Mehinaku.

Culture takes our sexual interests—our incitements or inclinations to act sexually—and molds and shapes them, sometimes celebrating sexuality and other times condemning it. A brief exploration of sexual themes across cultures and times will give you a sense of the diverse shapes and meanings humans have given to sexuality.

Sexual Interests

All cultures assume that adults have the potential for becoming sexually aroused and for engaging in sexual intercourse for the purpose of reproduction. But cultures differ considerably in terms of how strong they believe sexual interests are. These beliefs, in turn, affect the level of desire expressed in each culture.

The Mangaia Beginning at a young age, the Mangaia of Polynesia emphasize both the pleasurable and procreative aspects of sex (Marshall, 1971). At about age 7, a Mangaian boy first learns about masturbation and at about age 8 or 9, he may begin to masturbate. Around age 13 or 14, following a circumcision ritual, boys are given instruction in the ways of pleasing a girl: erotic kissing, cunnilingus, breast fondling and sucking, and techniques for bringing her to repeated orgasms. After 2 weeks, an older, sexually experienced woman has sexual page 16intercourse with the boy to instruct him further on how to sexually satisfy a woman. Girls the same age are instructed by older women on how to be orgasmic: how to thrust their hips and rhythmically tighten their vagina in order to experience repeated orgasms. A girl finally learns to be orgasmic through the efforts of a “good man.” If the woman’s partner fails to satisfy her, she is likely to leave him; she may also ruin his reputation with other women by denouncing his lack of skill. Young men and women are expected to have many sexual experiences prior to marriage.

“Sex is hardly ever just about sex.”

—Shirley MacLaine (1934–)

This adolescent paradise, however, does not last forever. The Mangaia believe that sexuality is strongest during adolescence. As a result, when the Mangaia leave young adulthood, they experience a rapid decline in sexual desire and activity, and they cease to be aroused as passionately as they once were. They attribute this swift decline to the workings of nature and settle into a sexually contented adulthood.

The Dani In contrast to the Mangaia, the New Guinean Dani show little interest in sexuality (Schwimmer, 1997). To them, sex is a relatively unimportant aspect of life. The Dani express no concern about improving sexual techniques or enhancing erotic pleasure. Extrarelational sex and jealousy are rare. As their only sexual concern is reproduction, sexual intercourse is performed quickly, ending with male ejaculation. Female orgasm appears to be unknown to them. Following childbirth, both mothers and fathers go through 5 years of sexual abstinence. The Dani are an extreme example of a case in which culture, rather than biology, shapes sexual attractions.

Victorian Americans In the nineteenth century, white middle-class Americans believed that women had little sexual desire. If they experienced desire at all, it was “reproductive desire,” the wish to have children. Reproduction entailed the unfortunate “necessity” of engaging in sexual intercourse. A leading reformer wrote that in her “natural state” a woman never makes advances based on sexual desires, for the “very plain reason that she does not feel them” (Alcott, 1868). Those women who did feel desire were “a few exceptions amounting in all probability to diseased cases.” Such women were classified by a prominent physician as suffering from “Nymphomania, or Furor Uterinus” (Bostwick, 1860).

Whereas women were viewed as asexual, men were believed to have raging sexual appetites. Men, driven by lust, sought to satisfy their desires by ravaging innocent women. Both men and women believed that male sexuality was dangerous, uncontrolled, and animal-like. It was part of a woman’s duty to tame unruly male sexual impulses.

The polarized beliefs about the nature of male and female sexuality created destructive antagonisms between “angelic” women and “demonic” men. These beliefs provided the rationale for a “war between the sexes.” They also led to the separation of sex from love. Intimacy and love had nothing to do with male sexuality. In fact, male lust always lingered in the background of married life, threatening to destroy love by its overbearing demands.

The Sexual Revolution Between the 1960s and the mid-1970s, significant challenges to the ways that society viewed traditional codes of behavior took place in the United States. Dubbed the “sexual revolution,” or “sexual liberation,” this period of rapid and complex changes invited individuals and society to confront the sexually repressive Victorian era and begin to recognize a separation and autonomy in what was thought to be unexamined decisions and regulations. This counterculture movement questioned previously established rules, regulations, and decisions in these areas:

Individual self-expression and autonomy. Previously structured around the collective good of the family and community, the counterculture found meaning and purpose in supporting the individual rights of men and women, including the right to sexual expression and pleasure.

Women’s rights. The traditional, stereotypical role of the man being breadwinner and of the woman being the homemaker were challenged by roles whereby individuals could choose according to their needs. It became acceptable for women to express their inherent sexuality and for men to be their emotional and authentic selves. It was during this period that abortion became legal, and widespread accessibility and dissemination of birth control became available.

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Relationship status. No longer was marriage the only context within which couples could express their sexuality, love, and commitment for one another. A new philosophy of sex, referred to as “free love,” allowed individuals to broaden and act on their sexual desires without marriage, judgment, or contempt.

Sexual orientation. Overriding previous dogma from church and state, there has been a broader acceptance of homosexuality. This was reinforced in 1973 when the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of diagnosable mental disorders. More recently in 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled same-sex marriage legal in all states.

Sexuality education. Though a handful of sexuality education programs had been introduced prior to the 1960s, few were uniformly embraced or included in school curriculums until SIECUS: Sex Ed for Social Change became a vocal force in education and policy.

Similar to beliefs about sexuality, ideals about body image, sexual expression, and what women do to achieve both change over time.

(a) History Archives/Alamy; (b) ABC/Shutterstock

Although a significant amount of time has passed since the end of the Victorian era and the counterculture’s attempt to shift values and attitudes about sexuality, many traditional sexual beliefs and attitudes continue to influence us. These include the belief that men are “naturally” sexually aggressive and women sexually passive, the sexual double standard, and the value placed on women being sexually inexperienced. While the media continue to push boundaries about what is acceptable and desirable in sexual expression, so do most Americans continue to adapt their thinking about what is acceptable, desirable, “normal,” and tolerable.

Sexual Orientation

Homosexuality, more commonly referred to as gay, is an emotional and sexual attraction to individuals of the same sex or gender. Some people who have same-sex attractions or relationships may identify as queer, or for a range of reasons may choose not to identify with those or any labels. Bisexuality is an emotional and sexual attraction to two or more genders or someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender. Individuals who identify as heterosexual or mostly heterosexual, but report some same-sex behavior and attraction are referred to as heteroflexible. There is significant debate about whether asexuality, a state of having no sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity, is a sexual orientation. There is a lack of consistent methods for defining and assessing sexual orientation, making it difficult to assess the populations who experience sexual orientation-related disparities. Nevertheless, now that same-sex marriage has been legalized in the United States, full social legitimacy and dignity have been granted to persons who marry a person of the same sex. This view of marriage is currently shared by 29 other countries.

CHAPTER 5: GENDER, GENDER ROLES AND SEXUALITY

“As early as preschool I learned the difference between boy and girl toys, games, and colors. The boys played with trucks while the girls played with dolls. If a boy were to play with a doll, he would be laughed at and even teased. In the make-believe area, once again, you have limitations of your dreams. Girls could not be police, truck drivers, firefighters, or construction workers. We had to be people that were cute, such as models, housewives, dancers, or nurses. We would sometimes model ourselves after our parents or family members.”