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1. Kaleb posted

Al-Anon.

Al-Anon was created from the foundation of AA as a support group for those who have had their lives effected by an alcoholic. Al-Anon uses an adaptation of the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA to help the families of alcoholics (Capuzzi & Stauffer, 2019). I attended an online meeting of Al-Anon via Zoom and I found it very informative. Corrigan (2016) found that participation in Al-Anon fosters resiliency and I feel the discussion during this meeting showcases this fact.

“An expert on everyone but myself”

This group had a speaker who spoke on the topic of “self-knowledge and self-acceptance.” I was intrigued by the topic but was unsure at first how it applied to this group of men and women. After all, these people were brought together by the shared experience of being affected by the actions of another (living with and often being abused by an alcoholic). It seems as though the focus should be on the alcoholic and how they behaved/are behaving.

However, the answer became immediately clear in the speaker’s next sentence: “I was an expert on everyone else but had no concept of myself.” The speaker went on to explain that, growing up as the daughter of an alcoholic, she became hyper aware of her father and his state at all times: was he drinking? How much had he drunk? Was he upset? Was there something she should be doing differently that would make him happy again? “As a child growing up in an alcoholic home, I found it was inconvenient for me to have needs.” She carried this awareness into her other relationships, and eventually into her relationship with her alcoholic husband. This awareness of and care for the needs of others came at her detriment as she began ignoring her own needs. Many of the other members shared this experience. “It’s been a journey to know what I actually feel about things.”

Responsibility, Choice, and Power

Through gaining self-knowledge, many of the members reflected how they learned how they contributed to their partners addiction. Not that they were responsible for the other person’s addiction, but they were able to see how they may have enabled the addict. Further, many of the members realized that they were not simply victims: they had power and choices. One woman explained that she had chosen to stay with her alcoholic boyfriend for so long because, even though he was abusive, she did not want him to feel like she was abandoning him. However, she realized it was her choice to let his opinion control her and she decided “it’s okay if somebody else’s narrative of me is that I abandoned him.” Another member explained that for a long time she saw herself as a victim, but she found great relief in seeing that her choices contributed to her situation and her choices could get her out: “I am grateful that I have responsibility!”

References

Capuzzi, D., & Stauffer, M. (2019).

Foundations of Addictions Counseling (The Merrill Counseling Series)

(4th ed.). Pearson.

Corrigan, B. (2016). ‘A New Way to Live My Life’: How Al-Anon Influences Resilience: A Qualitative Account.

Journal of Groups in Addiction & Recovery

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11

(1), 42–58

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